By Rachael Bouley
2020 has been a year for the books with the COVID-19 pandemic dominating what seems like our every move. The days go by so quickly, yet it’s crazy to think of how many days we’ve been in some sort of quarantine or lockdown.
I’ve heard the good and the bad about spending weeks on end at home with your partner, and I think every couple is a little different. Here's how my sex life with my fiancé changed for the better during the pandemic.
Putting Each Other First
Everyone has had to adjust this year, but for my fiancé and I, coronavirus has brought us closer together, both in the bedroom and out. Now, to be fair, I think we’ve always been fairly close.
Dating for three years, talking for four…we never really got sick of each other and had a good sex life before COVID. A long-distance relationship where you don’t see each other for weeks or months on end will set you up for that! We met in Australia on a study abroad trip and were connected from the get-go.
He was funny, sweet, and most of all, incredibly kind and caring. His attractive Aussie accent didn't hurt either. We stayed in touch and talked every single day until we reunited in person, which boosted our bond. Having that intimate emotional connection helped us take the leap into a passionate and trusting physical relationship once we were together again.
We made things official and after nearly a year of long distance, we were able to move in together and haven't left each other's sides since. It's amazing sharing a cozy apartment with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Although we weren't planning for this year to be turned upside down by a pandemic, I'm so glad we were living together. Like many couples, we've had a unique chance to slow down, sleep in and just enjoy one another’s company.
While we were in a good place before, I feel like COVID-19 enabled us to deepen our connection and further explore the passion that brought us together in the first place, which makes me even more excited to marry him.
Lockdown Leads to Improved Sex Schedule
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a little obsessed with my man. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with where I’ve felt like a true equal. He puts my needs above his own and is constantly reminding me that he cares about me, whether it's bringing back some chocolate to cheer me up after a bout of homesickness or writing me a letter before I go on a trip.
I knew the first time we kissed and eventually had sex that he was different and someone truly special to me, and those feelings have never wavered. I see the way he looks at me and how he's constantly reaching out to touch me, and that's all the reassurance I need. I’m strongly attracted to him and almost always interested unless I am tired, in which case that’s another story!
I love how much he respects me - he listens to my opinion, asks for my input on both big decisions and little everyday things, and doesn't push my boundaries. He can tell just by the look on my face if I'm upset about something, and instead of ignoring my emotions, he encourages me to talk about them.
In our pre-COVID world, we were both super busy, waking up early to head off to work and getting home late. That left little time for sex, except for the occasional quick romp in the morning or one of the rare nights when we actually went to bed at the same time.
For a couple who are on opposite sides of the sleep schedule (he’s asleep on the couch by 9:00 PM and awake with the birds, I’m up late writing and sleeping in for as long as I can), it’s not always easy to find the time or the energy.
Since the pandemic, we’ve certainly been taking advantage of this newfound time to take it easy and just enjoy being with one another as we both work from home. He says I'm always tip-tapping away on my computer, which is a very true statement for this can't stop, won't stop writer. He's in real estate and used to be bouncing between showings and the office, but now I have him all to myself.
Whereas I used to spend 12 hours a day out of the house with a long commute to work, this year we've been able to spend significantly more quality time together, which I think every couple needs to some degree. We are very touchy-feely and even just having the opportunity to relax for a quick cuddle during the day has taken our intimacy to a higher level.
Strengthening the Romance at Home
For me, it’s the little things that mean the most, like when he pokes his head into my home office just to say hello and see how it’s going (especially if he's brought an iced chocolate with him!). I also love a few glorious extra minutes for a morning cuddle.
Being just across the hall from one another as we work is a new normal for us, but one I appreciate as I can get a hug and a kiss whenever I want. I cherish every touch and moment which ultimately strengthens our sex life and makes me feel so incredibly close to him.
Of course, I understand how lockdown and social distancing could have the opposite effect. I've heard of some couples growing increasingly annoyed with one another due to the extended time together, and sure, while we have our little moments here and there, I feel pretty lucky to have a partner who I can’t get enough of. It helps that we just have each other to focus on, as we don't have kids yet (although our first fur baby will be joining us soon!).
While he would prefer to be in the office, I thrive working from home - I absolutely love it. For us, having one person who is really grounded and genuinely enjoys staying home makes it easier than if we both hated this major adjustment and were itching to get back into the office. There's less stress and frustration that way, at least in our experience.
I think the lack of personal hygiene has also been interesting. Gone are the pressures of getting dressed, showering twice a day and putting makeup on to head into the office and actually see co-workers and clients. For me, I’ve loved that about this year, as I don’t like wasting a lot of time getting ready when I can roll out of bed and jump right into my writing, catch a work meeting or spend some alone time with my love.
Before COVID I was up at 7:00 AM, out of the house by 7:30, and barely had a chance to kiss him goodbye as I rushed to catch the train. Now that I'm fully working from home every day, I can focus less on mad rushing to make it on time and instead spend another precious hour in bed.
My fiancé still reminds me that he thinks I’m beautiful, even if I’m not all dressed up like I normally would be. I have tried to make an effort to surprise him a few nights by sleeping in something slightly sexier than my go-to airplane pajamas. If he comes to bed late and I’m already asleep, he appreciates the effort anyway and pulls me in tight for a cuddle.
Embracing the Ups and Downs
I think doing little things like the occasional lingerie outfit or at-home date night keep the romance and passion alive. Open communication about how you’re feeling and what you want allows couples to thrive in their intimacy and sexual connection. Of course, a sexy shower or bath together doesn’t hurt either!
It’s the biggest blessing to be with someone who loves me whether I’ve been lounging in the same PJs all day or I’m freshly showered and all fancied up. We’ve made the most of our time in lockdown and we appreciate the little things like getting extra time together and just being home more to give us lots of chances to have sex and prioritize our romance.
I hope other couples can look at the positives and try to make the most out of this unpredictable time to support a strong and healthy sex life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachael Bouley is a writer, communications specialist and podcaster. She co-hosts Help a Girl Out podcast and chats about her (formerly!) long distance relationship and her other two true loves: wine and chocolate. She enjoys storytelling and stays up late writing every night.