Having heterosexual sex? You’re less likely to orgasm. Here’s why.

By Amber Kanuckel

Could men be getting in the way of women’s orgasms? Research by the University of Arkansas in collaboration with Indiana University suggests that this may be the case! In a 2018 study, researchers looked into the differences in orgasm frequency between women having sex with women and women having sex with men. The result? Women having sex with other women were more likely to report an orgasm, something often referred to as the orgasm gap.

So are men really the problem? Or is it perhaps something related to the established cultural norms surrounding relationships between men and women — issues that aren’t present in female only relationships?

Why are Orgasms Less Common in Heterosexual Relationships?

The answer could be due to something called the "phallocentric imperative," or the belief that a male's sex organ is central to every sexual experience. These penis-centric ideas are a byproduct of our patriarchal society, which ranks male pleasure as more important than the female sexual experience. 

Part of it is embedded in the “sexual script” that we follow. That is, when women and men pair off, certain things are expected to happen. Women often take a more submissive role while men are expected to assert themselves — and that makes women less likely to vocalize their needs and desires. Thus, less enjoyment.

Another issue is the idea that the man’s orgasm is more significant than the woman’s. In many instances, sex is defined — and ended — by the man's orgasm, regardless of whether the woman has enjoyed an orgasm or not. This study highlighted the differences between the two genders, finding that 95% of heterosexual women reported men usually or always having an orgasm while only 73% of heterosexual men could say the same of their partners.

Phallocentric imperatives also happen to be intertwined with coital imperatives — the act of vaginal-penile intercourse. Due to the placement of nerve endings, the difference between biology means that it’s easier for men to climax from this type of intercourse. As shown by the study, 94.5% of men can orgasm from vaginal-penile intercourse, whereas only 49.6% of women report orgasms this way. Misinformation and ignorance contribute to the myth that women can always achieve orgasm from vaginal sex alone. According to one of the papers analyzed by this research, the notion that women can always achieve orgasm from vaginal sex is something that over one-third of men believe.

Many women report an increase in satisfaction and ability to orgasm when they sought out a more diverse array of sexual behaviors as opposed to traditional penis-in-vagina sex. It’s recommended for couples, particularly those that encounter sexual problems, to bring equality into the bedroom by experimenting outside of their typical sexual routine and to communicate about their individual needs and desires.

Why are Women Enjoying More Orgasms with Women?

By contrast, women enjoying sex with other women causes these sexual scripts to be thrown out the window. Without the male imperative dictating every sexual experience, women are free to explore without the influence of traditional cultural norms. This leads to greater enjoyment for both partners, though exact research on why this happens is still unclear.

There are some theories, however. One is that women are more familiar with the female body, and thus better equipped to provide pleasure. It is also thought that there are different attitudes between women since sex between women is purely for pleasure and not for reproduction, as it is for women with men.

Another idea is a question of desire. There is nothing to suggest that women have lower sex drives than men, but phallocentric imperatives prioritizing the male orgasm can make the experience a lot less enjoyable for women. That could be one big reason why women experience greater pleasure in same-sex relationships.

As the WHO stated in a 2002 report, people have a right to sexual pleasure. Despite that statement, varying demographics — especially between men and women — report disparate amounts of sexual satisfaction. Women who have sex with men are less likely to orgasm than their male counterparts. The problem lies within our patriarchal society and these phallocentric imperatives, where a man’s orgasm seems to take precedence over a woman’s sexual pleasure.

What’s the solution? More varied sexual behaviors, for one thing. It’s important, and even healthy relationships, to spice up our sex lives. Self-focused orgasm goals are important, too, and that means communication. Being vocal about your needs and desires helps you reach mutual enjoyment with your partner rather than one person's pleasure coming at the expense of another’s.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

When not attempting to conquer the world, Amber can usually be found at her desk, typing away. Health, wellness and fitness number among her top areas of interest--and that includes emotional and mental wellbeing as well as physical health.